Squad 2
by Amanda.Tavares
Summary: Office life of Squad 2. Drama, politics, good times, laughter, back stabbing, flings, and romance. Eventual YoruSoi. I based this story after the show the office but it'll be different.
1. Sexual Harassment

Being Captain of any squad wasn't all it's cooked up to be. When you're a lowly ranked officer you see a lot of the battlefield and go on frequent missions. Anyone who thinks they have the guts aspires to be a captain someday. People are filled with these false pretenses that if they become a seated officer or even a captain, that they will lead their troops into glorious battles. This of course isn't true. My name is Soi Fon and I'm captain of squad two as well as the punishment force. When you get to my level, unless there is all out war, you work in an office with the other seated officers. The squad two office is full of interesting characters. Of course you all know my lieutenant Marechiyo Omaeda. I put him in charge mostly because I was lazy and I liked to do my own thing. He was extremely obnoxious and no one in the office liked him. Except for Hideki. Hideki sort of had a pug face and wore huge glasses, he worshipped Omaeda.

I was pretty sure Hideki had a secret thing going on with Kiyoko. She was a tiny blonde who always seemed to have a stick up her ass. She worked in accounting with Jiro and Ichiro. Jiro seemed to be fatter than Marechiyo if that was even possible. He was also very stupid. Ichiro was our sassy Mexican and often brought in delicacies for us to sample.

The most important department was missions. They were in charge of organizing troops to carry out various assignments. Those people were Hideki, Satoru, Masato, Haruko, and myself. Satoru was the only black guy in the office. We only had a hand full in the squad as well. He did his work very well but he had a nasty attitude. Masato wasn't technically in missions. He's a temp. He just works in the department for experience. Haruko looked like she was mother goose. She was nice enough but she was a little bit bigger and older. She looked like the person to go to if you ever wanted fresh cookies.

We also had smaller departments such as earth relations, human resources, and quality assurance. These were typically one or two person jobs. Chiharu was in charge of earth relations. I don't think she really did her job. She mostly online shopped and never stopped talking on the phone. Takeshi was in human resourcing and I hated him with every fiber in my body. He just sucked the fun out of everything. At last we have quality assurance. That was run by Naomi and Katsu. They were both older but Katsu was really old. I didn't know why he hadn't retired yet. He was very odd and never seemed to know what was going on. Plus I think he was raised in the wilderness. Naomi was a hot mess and I often caught her sneaking alcohol into her coffee or licking pure-ell off her hands. That brings us to the last person, Yoruichi. She was no longer part of squad two but I had hired her as a receptionist. Mostly because we needed one and secondly so I could check her out all day long. You see I've had a crush on her since I was a kid and I was going to use any excuse to keep her around.

I walked into the squad two office and hung my hat on the coat hanger. Yoruichi looked up from reception and smiled at me. My stomach did a little flip and I gave her a small smile back. I walked over to my desk, which was right across from reception and sat down. Of I planned that on purpose. I was checking my messages when Omaeda came and sat on my desk.

"Did you get any emails?" He asked.

"No." I answered lazily.

"Check your spam folder."

I clicked on my spam folder and a forward email came up. It was a skit by Dane Cook called public restrooms.

"Wow Dane Cook, very funny."

Marechiyo laughed. "Thought you'd like it!"

* * *

**Soi Fon**

"Marechiyo constantly sends everyone these weird email forwards. He thinks he being really funny. In reality he's annoying as hell.

* * *

**Marechiyo**

"I am the king of email forwards. The master of comedy. I'm like Chandler and Joey and Soi Fon is Rachael. Hideki is Kramer…..Wait is that the right show?

* * *

Marechiyo stood over Hideki's desk as they watched a video on his computer.

"So the rhino does the sex thing right there…"

Marechiyo started to laugh his ass off.

"That's funny, but not offensive. It's nature."

A man walked up behind Marechiyo and pulled his hood over his head.

"What the-"

Marechiyo flipped around and smiled.

"Hachiro what's up man?"

Hachiro was a low ranking officer but he came in quite often to mess around with Omaeda and fuck things up in general.

Hachiro turned to me and held up his hand. I gave him a high five.

"What's happening captain?"

"Nothing really, did you hear that gossip about the lieutenant from Squad 1 one resigning?"

"Oh fuck yeah I got the whole story!"

He pulled up a chair so we could talk more in private.

"So basically here's the deal, he was nailing his secretary for a solid 4 months. Then all of the sudden she blows the whistle on the whole thing just to be a bitch!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Women are such demons sometimes."

"Well they are women right?"

We both started laughing.

Takeshi from human resourcing was lingering near by and he approached my desk.

"Soi Fon can I talk to you in the conference room for a minute?"

Hachiro immediately left his seat. He hated Takeshi as well.

"What the fuck do you want Takeshi?" I spat.

"It'll just take a minute."

"Oh literally?" I asked sarcastically.

"Just a minute captain."

* * *

**Soi Fon**

"As you can tell I really don't like Takeshi. He's in human resourcing so technically he works for Squad 1. He doesn't belong in the Squad 2 family. Also he's divorced so he doesn't belong to any family at all."

* * *

I walked into the conference room with Takeshi and we both sat down.

"Soi Fon the real reason the Squad One lieutenant stepped down was because of sexual harassment. So Squad one has asked me to do a 15 minute presentation about sexual harassment in the work place."

I slammed my fist on the table. "No, no, no, no this is bullshit Takeshi! What are we supposed to tell people? That you can't joke around and be friends? Or tell hilarious jokes?"

"Well maybe jokes that are inappropriate."

"Jokes are inappropriate that's why they're called jokes!"

I stood up from my seat and walked out. I walked into the break room to get some more coffee when I noticed Yoruichi sitting at one of the tables.

"Hey what's up?" I smiled at her.

She smiled back. "Nothing much my mom is coming in today, I'm pretty excited."

"Really? Can I meet her?"

"Sure I bet she'd love to meet you.

"Good because I have a lot of questions."

"Like what?

"Like as a child did Yoruichi show signs of becoming a future receptionist?"

She giggled and stood up to throw away her food trash.

"I'll see you at Takeshi's presentation."

I nodded and started to make more coffee.

* * *

Takeshi had a giant screen pulled down and had a power point presentation open. He flipped to the final page and made his final conclusions.

"Remember intent doesn't matter, it can still be offensive. That's it, so if you have any questions you can ask me or look in the hand out I gave you."

Yoruichi raised her hand.

"I'd like to make an announcement, my mom is coming in today."

"Mmmmilf." Jiro mumbled.

"Thanks Jiro, I just wanted to ask everyone to please be polite my mom is very old fashioned."

* * *

**Yoruichi**

"Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day that everyone sexually harasses me as a joke."

* * *

"That's good let's act like everyday that Yoruichi's mom is coming in." Takeshi pointed out.

Once Takeshi was done I walked up to the front with a Snooki sex doll.

"What the hell are you doing Soi Fon?" Takeshi asked.

"Look I'm here to make a statement. Do you realize what we are losing here?"

Kiyoko the stiff from accounting raised her hand.

"Email forwards?"

I pointed at her. "Yes exactly."

Kiyoko glared. "I hate them. Marechiyo sends me the nastiest things and he says that if I don't send them to 10 people I'll have bad luck."

"Yeah but what other things are we losing? Look Satoru has a centerfold picture of a schoolgirl. It's hot, it's sexy, it turns him on. Are we just going to take that away from him?"

Satoru glared at me. "That is my daughter, she goes to private school. I'm taking the picture down right now!"

Naomi from quality assurance raised her hand.

"What about office romance?"

Takeshi interrupted. "Those are never a good idea, but if you're already in one you need to disclose it to HR."

I pointed to Chiharu the Earth relations specialist.

"What if Chiharu was a lesbian and she brought her partner into work? Would that be crossing the line?

Chiharu looked totally puzzled.

"Well not really-"

I cut Takeshi off. "What if they made out in front of everyone …"

"What are you-"

"…At home and I told everyone about it."

"Ok I'm really lost." Takeshi admitted.

"Ok then we'll act it out. Chiharu you be girl A and girl B will be the doll."

Chiharu's mouth dropped to the floor.

"Chiharu come up here please."

Takeshi dismissed the situation and went back to his desk he was flipping through some paperwork when Hideki approached him.

"What can I help you with Hideki?"

He held is breath for a moment.

"Where is the clitoris?" He whispered.

Takeshi was at a loss of words.

"It said at the crest of the labia is where the clitoris is. What does that mean?"

* * *

**Takeshi**

Hideki asked me a question about the human body and technically I am in human resourcing. I'm just sad that his parents failed so badly in his upbringing.

* * *

I was looking through some of my emails while Marechiyo was watching the sexual harassment video with some of our lower ranking officers who worked down in the training grounds. Tatsuya was in charge of running training drills and Shoji was his second in command. If I had a good reason I would fire Shoji. He was currently dating Yoruichi and that just made my blood boil. Why would she be interested in someone as lowly as him? He wasn't even a ranked officer. Why wouldn't she choose someone like me? I'm a fucking captain!

I heard the door open and Azumi walked inside with a finely dressed man at her side. Azumi in ether words was a bitch. She worked for Squad 1 and frequently stopped by to make sure we were on track. I just call it harassment.

Marechiyo ran out of the room laughing.

"You guys won't believe this! The girl in the harassment video. Tatsuya boned her! Hahaha!

Azumi stopped in her tracks. She looked shocked. When Marechiyo noticed she was standing in front of him he slowly backed away into the conference room.

Azumi approached my desk. "You and Marechiyo in the conference room please."

I walked into the conference room and sat down with Marechiyo. Azumi and her lawyer Mr. Yoshida sat across from us.

"Are you ok Marechiyo you seem a little agitated." Azumi pointed out.

Marechiyo leaned back in is chair. "My problem is that I'm the lieutenant and apparently I can't say anything."

"You can't say anything inappropriate." Azumi corrected.

I interjected. "The point is where is the line?"

"Do you need to see the presentation again?" Azumi asked.

"No I do not!"

"They talked the whole time." Takeshi mumbled.

"Shut up Takeshi!"

Azumi concluded the meeting and we all walked out of the conference room.

I cleared my throat.

"Attention everyone, I would like you to know that Marechiyo and I can no longer be friends with any of you. We can't have anymore good times and we can't tell any jokes."

"Does that include that's what she said?" Naomi asked.

"Yes."

"Wow that is really hard. Do you really think you can keep it up?"

Hachiro smiled at me from across the room.

"Well you always left me satisfied."

"Haaaaahaaaa that's what she said!" I yelled.

Everyone started to roar in laughter.

I took a bow. "Thank you, thank you."

"Get back in the conference room!" Azumi yelled.

We all filed into the conference room again. Azumi was rubbing her temples.

"You would have done the same you just didn't think of it first!"

"I would never Soi Fon, what is wrong with you?"

"If this is going to be a problem maybe I need a free speech lawyer."

Azumi pointed to the latter. "Mr. Yoshida is your lawyer he represents all of the captains.

* * *

**Soi Fon**

You know I'm so used to being the bad girl I didn't realize these guys were on my side. Maybe I should make them toast.

* * *

An older woman who seemed to have similar features to Yoruichi snuck into the office and approached reception.

"Umm hello?"

Yoruichi looked up and flung her arms around the woman.

"Mom you're here!"

"So this is your desk?"

"Yes it is."

Yoruichi moved to the side to let her see around. Marechiyo walked out of the conference room carrying the sex doll. Yoruichi and her mom stared at him as he walked past them and threw the doll down the hall.

I sat at my desk watching Yoruichi and her mom talk. I wanted to talk with them so I got up and approached reception. When I reached the desk Shoji walked in the door. Cursing under my breath I took a candy from one of the bowls and walked away.

"Oh there he is, so handsome!" Yoruichi's mom threw her arms around Shoji.

I think I'm going to be sick. Then again I wished I was in his shoes.

"So we all set for dinner?" Shoji asked.

Yoruichi looked at the clock. "I've got to stall for a little bit but I won't be long."

Shoji smiled and headed for the door.

Once he was gone Mrs. Shihouin whispered into Yoruichi's ear.

"So which one is Soi Fon?"

"Mom stop it." She giggled.

I flipped through my files and a small smile played across my lips.

Maybe there is hope.

**No flames please but I would enjoy your reviews!**


	2. Women's Day

I arrived at the office 15 minutes late. Today was women in the work place seminar. Azumi was coming down from Squad 1 to hold a meeting with all the women in our squad. Periodically every year Squad 1 would do this for every squad. I really didn't understand why though. Both women and men worked as soul reapers with no special pretences. It wasn't like there was any discrimination to worry about. There were females in high positions such as captains and lieutenants. In my opinion I would say that the sexes in the soul society were very equal. So it perplexes me why every year we needed to have a special girls meeting. I mean what makes us so special? The fact we have vaginas? In my opinion those things are only good for hiding things…like cocaine

Azumi walked into the office on her cell phone. Once she was done with her call she requested all women meet in the conference room. Once I heard the announcement I swiftly got up from my desk to go hide in the break room.

Once all women were settled Azumi began the meeting.

"Glad you could all make it. Today we are celebrating women in the work place."

* * *

**Yoruichi**

Every year Squad 1 sends someone down to talk to all the women about….actually I really don't know. But Marechiyo isn't allowed in, she said that about 5 times.

* * *

"These days women don't have as many options as men. They face many different obstacles-"

A knock came at the door and Marechiyo walked in.

"Marechiyo what are you doing?"

"Hold on, hold on, I have a few things I want to say."

Marechiyo pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Marechiyo what the hell are you doing?"

"Hey just here me out. So let's talk about equality-"

"Marechiyo-"

"Today's woman is at a crossroads and I just wanna say you've come along way."

"Marechiyo get out."

"Hey I'm their boss."

"I'm your boss." Azumi glared.

"Fine I'll go." Marechiyo huffed and got up to leave,

* * *

**Marechiyo**

"Women in the workplace day means that Azumi gets to talk to all the girls about shopping, pedicures, and tampons….I bet they're talking about me.

* * *

I turned around from desk slightly to look into the conference room. I stared at Yoruichi. She seemed to be listening attentively and taking notes. Every now and then a small smile would grace her lips. And I loved the way her long hair would flow whenever she turned her head. I wondered what her hair would smell like….God damnit stop thinking about that shit!

I scolded myself and turned back to my papers. Hideki sat at my side and I caught him shaking his head.

"What's up?" I asked.

"It's such a terrible idea all of them being in there. Their cycles are all going to line up and wreak havoc on our plumbing."

I shook my head. Hideki was such an idiot sometimes.

Azumi continued the meeting in the conference room.

"So why don't we go around the room and say things we're good at?"

"Hi I'm Naomi and I'm an alc- I mean I'm good at supplier relations."

Haruko went next.

"I'm good at emails, spread sheets and all that."

"Really?" Kiyoko sneered.

"Well I don't know, maybe I…"

"Because I've seen some of your spread sheets and they looked shitty."

"Ok let's just stop." Azumi interjected.

* * *

**Yoruichi**

I don't know how I fit in with these women and Azumi. I mean we get along fine. I guess the person I have the most in common with would be Soi Fon.

* * *

I stood up from my desk and cleared my throat.

"Ok guys since the women are doing their special thing today we're going down to the training grounds today to work with the lower ranked officers."

Jiro raised his hand.

"Yes Jiro?"

"Why aren't you with the women today? You are a woman right?"

"Maybe she doesn't have a vagina." Katsu remarked

"Shut up! I have a vagina now everyone downstairs!"

**Conference room**

"So why don't we go around the room and say where we want to be in the next 10 years."

Naomi went first.

"I want to be 10 years sober."

"That's great!" Azumi smiled.

"Ummm maybe 9 instead."

Chiharu raised her hand.

"I want to tell you something I want a man that's going to treat me right!"

"Good for you Chiharu!"

"He better have lots of cash and a big house!"

Azumi's smile faded into a scowl.

* * *

**Azumi**

The main point of these seminars is to find women who are stand outs. Women who would be valuable additions to Squad 1. Honestly it's not going so well.

* * *

**Training Grounds**

I walked downstairs with all the men trailing behind me. When we got the training grounds there were several soul reapers hanging around and playing pick up basketball. Is this seriously what they did while we worked all day?

"You're not getting paid to hang out and play games!" I yelled.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and got into formation. I walked up and down the lines inspecting them. While I was doing my inspection Tatsuya and Shoji came out of the downstairs office. I turned around and faced them.

"Tatsuya, I put you in charge of training and I see you've been letting things slide."

"My apologies Captain we were just taking a break."

I turned back around.

"Today you all will be sparring with a seated officer. This exercise is to give you more experience. I do not expect you to win because they are far stronger and more experienced than you. Choose an officer and begin your match. We will train until the work day is over at 5."

"Yes Captain!" They saluted.

I stood to the side with Tatsuya and Shoji while the officers sparred with the seated officers. Tatsuya opened up a cooler.

"You want a beer Captain, it's Mexican."

"Sure if you don't mind."

I reached in the cooler and took out a carona. Using the bottle opener I popped the top off and took a couple of gulps. I was really thirsty and the ice cold beer hit the spot.

Tatsuya took one and headed back into his office. Shoji took one as well and sipped it lightly. I felt awkward being alone with Shoji.

"So how is it working upstairs with Yoruichi?" He asked.

His question took me off guard.

"Yeah it's cool." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously

"She talks about you all the time, seems to really like you."

What was he getting at?

"We're friends I've known her a long time."

"It's pretty cute I think she has a crush on you."

My face turned beet red and my hand gripped the bottle tightly. I was surprised it didn't break.

"Keep watch I need to do some work."

I turned and swiftly walked away from a horribly awkward situation.

**Conference room**

"I always wanted a big walk in closet." Haruko mused.

"That's great." Azumi encouraged.

"Yoruichi what about you?" Chiharu asked.

Yoruichi smiled. "Well I always wanted a house with a terrace upstairs. You know to plant flowers on it. I always imagined that as a girl. But more seriously though a future husband, Shoji. And I love to draw, but I'd love to do more with it like graphic design."

Azumi shuffled through some papers and pulled out a pamphlet.

"Squad 1 is offering a design training program in the real world."

"I already have a job, and I can't really take time off."

"It's only on weekends and I'm sure I can get Squad 1 to help you out."

"Well I don't know." Yoruichi bit her lip.

"There are always a million reasons not to do something, but you only need one good reason to do it." Azumi winked.

Yoruichi sighed and looked through the pamphlet.

"Ok now let's talk about clothing!" Azumi announced.

* * *

**Haruko**

I'm very excited for today. I love girl talk!

* * *

"Dress for the job you want not the job you have. You can use your clothes to send a message. Wearing classier clothes to show what you aspire to be."

* * *

**Kiyoko**

"I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman! I'm the head of accounting and I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Azumi thinks we need this. And apparently judging from her outfit, Azumi aspires to be a 1940's whore."

* * *

I walked upstairs and went to my desk I picked up my phone to check for messages. That's when I saw Yoruichi sneaking out of the conference room from the corner of my eye.

I started to walk away when I felt smooth, soft fingers intertwine with mine. I turned around and met a pair of radiant golden eyes. My mouth fell slightly open. I knew I was obviously gawking, but how could I not? She was absolutely mesmerizing.

"Hey how are you?" She smiled.

"I'm fine how are the girls?"

"Ha boring, how's the training?"

"Pretty weird." I smiled.

"We watched a video about our changing bodies."

"Are you serious? I exclaimed.

"No." She laughed.

God I loved her laugh she was so warm and beautiful.

"But hey there is this design internship for Squad 1 Azumi told me about. It sounds really cool."

"So what's it about?"

"Well-"

"Doesn't matter you should do it!"

I noticed her caramel skinned hands were still wrapped tightly around my hand.

I smiled at her again. "I've got to got check downstairs."

She smiled back at me and released me hand. I already missed the warmth and gentleness of her touch.

**Training Grounds**

When I got downstairs Marechiyo was pouring packaging popcorn in front of a fan to make "snow."

Hideki jumped in the excess and started to make snow angels.

I turned around and walked away. I work with idiots.

I walked back upstairs and into the break room. Through the window I could see Shoji and Yoruichi in a heated argument. Yoruichi was holding the design pamphlet in her hand. I think it was ok to assume that she wasn't going to try out the design program from Squad 1.

* * *

**Yoruichi**

"Dreams are just dreams. Like the thing about the terrace it's nice. It was something I read in a book when I was a little girl. In the book the girl had a terrace outside her bedroom and she planted flowers on it, and I just really loved that. It always kind of stuck with me.

* * *

Yoruichi came into the break room. She lingered at the sink and she clearly had tears in her eyes.

"So you're not going to do it." I stated

"How'd you know?" She sniffled.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Like no big reason just a bunch of little reasons. Shoji is right there is nor guarantee it's going to lead to anything."

"Shoji said that?"

"What Soi Fon? You have something to say?"

"You've got to take a chance on something sometime. You've been with Squad 2 you're whole life, do you really want to be here forever?"

"Oh excuse me I'm fine with my choices!" She raised her voice.

"You are?"

"Yes!"

* * *

**Yoruichi**

"It's impractical, I'm not going to try to get a house like that. I don't even think they make houses like that in Soul Society. So I'm never going to-"

She lost her words and hung her head as tears slid down her cheeks.

* * *

**Review pls.**


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